He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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