I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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