So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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