Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
