i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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