think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
