I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
