Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
