You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
