DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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