Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
