Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
