I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
