Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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