How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize