I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
