i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
