So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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