You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
