just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize