Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
