i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
