She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
