sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
