That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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