i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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