I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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