After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
