I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize