Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
