I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i now understand why vodka
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
