I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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