She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize