You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
