I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
