I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
