A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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