Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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