nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
