wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
