All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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