You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it glows. i had to have it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
