lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and she was petting her beer can
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize