The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
