Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
