I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
