I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
