Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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