My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
