come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
