i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
