I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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