Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
