she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Watching her eat just hurts me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
