you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
