My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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