If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
