We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
