That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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