oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
