My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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