why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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