i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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