WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
