How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
ttyl tear gas
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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