a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
