And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
