I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize