he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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