and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
