This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
