The maid of honor just puked.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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