none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Quick, to the slutcave!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
