PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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