Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
