I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have tasted many bathrooms
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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