Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
