I need help removing her.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
