i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
